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| xanga, i regret our growing apart. i haven't felt the need to write in this at all recently. you and i have been through some good times, some bad times. you know. now this isn't goodbye forever, just until i feel inclined to spin tales the way i used to. and if i do feel so inclined, it probably isn't the kind of stuff that i need a public blog for. we'll see how things go. baby steps, xanga. the new homepage blows though, work on that. | | |
| i don't ignore unhappiness anymore. anymore i listen to sad music and wonder why so many people who i loved so dearly are monsters to me nowadays. what am i supposed to think when people i trusted secrets with, shared good and bad times with, dispose of me and lie to me and care more about self-interest than about my well-being? what kind of person are you? do you still think that you're a sweet and kind individual? because if you do, good for you for being self-confident.
i'm not, anymore.. thanks a bunch for that. i want my handle on life back. thats an exaggeration.. but generally i feel like i'm garbage to all of you. and honestly, you should be to me at this point. two of you are.
one, you make me hate what i used to love and enjoy. two, you make me notice all sorts of things about you that i absolutely detest. now that i'm through with you, i notice what a horrible, obnoxiously self-centered and vain person you are. three, you make me feel unworthy, incompetent, and sad.. and i still can't look at you. i don't know that i'll ever be able to again, i wish i could but our good friend, two has ruined that for me. if i'm of least importance to you, then so be it. enjoy your time and please write me in a few years.
but for now, i'm still the one writing about this bullshit. i still feel like i'm carrying the world on my conscience. i'm tired all the time. i'm torn apart, and i just want to stop all of it. i want to go to new people, i want karma to kick in, i want to be happy for no particular reason. i want to love without boundaries, i want to trust, i want to be trusted, i want to be with people who appreciate me, i want to smile every time my phone rings, i want to go do things with everyone, i want to be happy and be free, not sad. not anymore.
i don't mean half of that. i don't care. i'm turning 18 on wednesday. maybe i'll get a tattoo of your name on my ass or something. and by you i mean lauren fleig. not you. never you again. hopefully.
my season ended a long time ago. | | |
| hello, i got accepted to ithaca. :)! | | |
| my house is cold. that's not the issue here. my feet are FREEZING. ice cold. it is impossible to have warm feet in this home. in other news, there is no other news. bye. | | |
| today i fell in love with the boy at the register at chik fil a. how was your day? actually, it's new years eve so i'm going to say a lil somethin somethin about that. 07 was probably the saddest and most disappointing year of my life, as an overall statement. pretty much from the beginning, that's how it was. sad and disappointing for me and by me, i suppose. 2008, i hope you bring better things and a brighter elyse. my resolution is to be happy again. and probably to meet daniel radcliffe and marry him. oh or figure out what the chik fil a boy's last name was so i can add him on facebook. 
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